Is the American Dream Dead?

In the past few years, we’ve been inundated with politicians and talk show hosts that tell us that the American dream is dead. It’s come from the left, where liberals have bemoaned the growing disparity between high and low incomes. It’s also come from the right, where red-blooded conservatives have pointed to the “socialist” policies of the Obama administration that are choking the innovation of the private sector. According to them, we are in a pretty dark place. But I’d like to revisit that conventional wisdom for a moment.

I don’t believe the American dream is dead. I believe it is alive and well, but it’s hidden behind the cloud of our popular culture that tells us we need and deserve things we can’t afford.

However, if you scour the internet with a quick google search of “The American Dream is dead” you’ll find all sorts of complaints about the current state of Americans. I’ll list the top two: 1) College costs too much, 2) It’s too expensive to move out of my parents’ house. Let’s examine those two…

College Costs Too Much

One of the most frequent complaints from parents, youth, and adults in their 20’s is that college just costs too darn much! Tuition at top private universities can be around $45,000 for undergraduates annually. How is the middle class to survive?

This may sound harsh to some, but you don’t need to go to Harvard or a private school to be successful. I graduated from James Madison University, whose 2013-2014 annual tuition is $9,000 for undergraduates. The tuition wasn’t all that bad. It was the costs of housing, food, and living costs that came from me moving two hours away from home. I turned down acceptance from a great public university in my home town because I thought it would be more fun to live away from home. The $30,000 in student loan debt I walked away with was almost all room & board costs, not tuition costs. My part-time employment could have fully paid for my college if I had chosen to live at home.

Another consideration is community college. Community college has a stigma, I get it. Most states, however, have a program much like Virginia’s, where you can get a two-year associates degree and then transfer without question to a university for specialized instruction. Annual tuition for a full-time student at NOVA Community College? $4,500. That’s half of what I paid at JMU. Considering how much I remember from my English literature and medieval history class, I think I could have benefitted from some additional cost reductions.

So yes, college does cost too much, if you attend a private school or are worried about your lifestyle throughout college. In Europe, it’s more standard for students to live at home during college. If you make wiser choices than I did, you can receive a college education, work part-time through college, and end up with some significant savings instead of debt before entering the post-graduate work force.

It’s Too Expensive To Move Out of my Parents’ House

This is a difficult discussion that varies widely based on where you live and your situation. Let’s start with renting and move to owning. Renting will be quick. Yes, we all would love to live without roommates, but think about how much you’ll save by keeping that low-cost bachelor pad for a few more years while you save to buy your first home.

Now let’s move to owning a home. It seems my generation has become hypnotized by HGTV. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen couples on the show complain that their budget couldn’t get them what they wanted. Well, what did they want? A walk-in closet, granite kitchen countertops, separate sinks for husband and wife in the bathroom, adequate space for entertaining, a yard, all within a 15 minute drive to work. Is there any wonder why those numbers don’t work when you’re a young couple? After unscientifically asking some from previous generations, I found that their first homes were usually older and lacked many of what were then modern amenities. I also found that more often than not, their first home wasn’t located anywhere near their desired neighborhood. But, after working for a few years, wouldn’t you know it, they moved to that neighborhood.

It seems that recent graduates in my generation expect to have their parents’ lifestyle without the 20-30 years of work their parents’ put in to get there. Is it any wonder it’s hard to find a house with those expectations?

Then there’s the question about saving up for down payment. Going back to issue #1, let’s first assume both you and your partner saved $5,000 between the first day you worked at age 16 and college graduation. Well, there’s $10,000 for a down payment right there! If you are in the market for a $100-200,000 home, you’ve got 5-10% right there, which qualifies you for most conventional loans within two years of full-time employment.

The American Dream is Alive

I recognize that these are very generic numbers and scenarios. Individuals are faced with challenges and obstacles as individual as they are. However, my point is not to solve the world’s problems, but rather to indicate that the American dream is alive and well.

Popular culture has done a great job telling us what we deserve, and most of those things put us into debt and convince us we need things we can’t afford. As soon as we break out of that cycle, the American dream starts to come back into focus. It is possible, even probable, for a college-educated graduate in their mid-20’s so survive and plant the foundations for thriving.

My belief is that even amid this recession, the American dream is strong for those who want it. The dream is not about high-paying jobs and get rich quick schemes. Those who succeed isn’t exclusive to those with the most high-paying jobs and genius-level intelligence. It will be those with the self-discipline to delay gratification, take small steps up the ladder of life, and eventually look down to see their dream has become a reality.

Create - You Have Something To Offer

When you look at the world, we have a problem. We consume more than we produce. This isn't meant to be an economics lesson, just suffice it to say that we use more than we can afford.

I can't speak for you, but if you're like me (age 26), you rent a condo/townhouse/room. If you're lucky enough to "own" a house, the bank really owns it and you're paying them for the right to own it in 30 years. You probably have a car that is on lease or loan. If you're engaged or married (and male), you probably got your spouse a ring that needed 12-month interest-free financing. (She doesn't even own that pretty ring!?) Oh, don't forget those college loans. Do you sense an imbalance?

Now, I'm not preaching to anyone. I'm still a proud owner of debt. I'm not going to go all green-earth on you and tell you to live off the land and push away from modern society. That's a great plan if you want it, but it's not what I'm here to promote.

Now that I've painted a pretty gloomy picture, let's look at the positives. There are a lot more borrowers than there are lenders. Okay, scratch the economics lingo. There are more people buying things than there are people creating things. There is a whole world waiting to buy something that you create. You, yes you, have something to offer...if you create it. 

"[Sheer Ambrosia] is giving the entire
world (thanks to the internet) a chance
to have some of the best baklava around."

One example: Sheer Ambrosia International Bakery and Catering. While living in Draper, UT I had the pleasure of meeting the brains behind Sheer Ambrosia. Without giving a life story, let me tell you that she knows how to make baklava. In fact, it's the best baklava I've ever tasted. Now, with that kind of talent she could have provided great food to friends and family. But instead, she recognized her talent and is giving the entire world (thanks to the internet) a chance to have some of the best baklava around.

Do you have a talent worth sharing? Let me answer that for you: yes, you do! Not everybody cooks. Some people can quilt, sew, or make jewelry. Heck, an entire business was created simply by making accessories to Crocs! Your talent doesn't have to be something you can hold. People like Stephen Covey created a business sharing his ideas.

So think of who you are, what you're good at, and find a way to create it for others. You may be the next Stephen Covey. But even if you aren't, you'll feel better about yourself because you'll be giving yourself to the world and making it a better place.

The Proposal: Making Sara and Kevin Official

Monday, June 24th was a night over two years in the making. To be honest, I think both Sara and I would have preferred this day to have happened a long time ago...but a mission in Utah prevented that from happening.

The buildup started during the middle of the previous week. After much discussion, we just decided to go ring shopping. I've learned that Sara is someone who prefers action/touch to discussion/theory. So we went shopping. Our second stop was Kay's. In the midst of trying on all of the rings, one just stood out. I should have known in that moment that we didn't need to shop anymore, but I wanted to be thorough. We continued ring shopping for two more days and finally made the BIG purchase. ("Big" may have different meanings to the men and women reading this)

You may be wondering why we went together to ring shop. After all, that takes a lot of the surprise out of the big question, right? Well, Sara is a wise girl. She knows my fashion sense is not a strength of mine. She might call it a weakness. Because of that I think she wasn't about to let me make such a big decision on my own. I'm grateful for her wisdom because I wouldn't have had the slightest clue what to look for!

Then came the big night. I doubt there was any surprise, but that didn't stop my game plan. Our first "real" date was to a small mid-scale restaurant in Vienna, VA called Maple Ave. We happened to return there for a reservation at the exact same table from two-plus years ago. Not only was it sentimental for Sara but I must say the food is just wonderful. I'd recommend it to anybody looking for a good, unique meal.

Then came part two. We got in the car and drove downtown to the tidal basin and monuments. Last time we made this drive it was our second date. All was the same except I was driving this time. Sara knew what I was doing. When we got there we made the same walk that we did before, only this time minus cherry blossoms. We walked through the FDR memorial, the Lincoln Memorial and the Jefferson Memorial. As we looped the tidal basin we took a seat near where we sat two years earlier. It was there that I told Sara I wanted to tell her how she had won my heart. Even though I was leaving on a mission I wanted to make sure she knew where I stood. I didn't plan on her waiting for me...in fact, I told her not to! (That shows how well she listens to me) Nevertheless, that was the spot.

After our reunion at the tidal basin was over, we looked for a bench to sit on. It was on that bench that Sara first told me we would try this thing out. Unfortunately, I made a wrong turn and the bench I was looking for was a half mile farther than I thought. Whoops! Luckily, Sara was so excited that she didn't seem to mind the mishap. After we found our seat, we chatted for a bit, waited for a private moment, and asked the question. "Will you marry me?" I don't think there was much in question...but I still had to ask. She said yes!

Now...to plan a wedding and a life.

Paula Deen: Is the standard too high?

There have been many noteworthy news stories over the past few days. One that doesn't sit well with me is the Paula Deen racism "controversy". Before I delve any further, let me put one thing out there. To use racial slurs is not acceptable by anyone under any circumstances. Nothing I will say changes that socially accepted truth.

What doesn't sit well is the idea that any person in the public light must walk in near perfection or else they will be cast aside like a cheap goldfish. Yes, it is inexcusable for Paula Deen, or anyone, to say the things that she said. But, if we're going to be honest, I believe almost all of us have said crude, vulgar, or inappropriate things at one time in their life. Many of the comments referenced are from many years before her television career. If all of us were judged on the misguided comments of our younger days then I don't think we'd have any public officials or well-respected celebrities.

There are many good things about our 24/7 new cycle that we have today. Information is easier to access than ever before. But we must be careful not to blow mistakes out of proportion. I'm no Paula Deen "lover", but she seems to know what she's talking about when it comes to food. Why, then, can we not accept her fault (or mistake) and allow her to share her expertise with the world? If we're not careful, we'll be out of experts before long.

Elevate Your Thoughts; Elevate Your Life

As I've reacclimated with life as a "normal" individual (that may be a stretch for most of us) I have realized one important lesson. The things that we put into our minds is critical. You might think I'm about to discuss the declining morality around us but I won't do that. Rather, it's important to keep ourselves focused on who we are, what we want to achieve, and who's been able to go there before us.

One of my personal goals is to find some way to improve life for those around me. A way I track that goal is to see if I can start my own business. Why? Well, a truly successful business person is somebody who improves the lives of others when you get down to basics. However, there are many subtle forces that keep me (or you) from achieving that goal or similar goals.

For one, much of the world around us encourages us to "go with the flow". We shouldn't leave the crowd, after all, because the crowd is a very safe place. Any attempt to break out of the typical mold is met with resistance and criticism. On top of that, new ideas are typically met with doubt until they've reached a certain critical mass of success. I remember a time when I told myself, "Kevin, you can't possibly get an iPod. Why would you want all of your songs on your computer? CD's are much more safe and reasonable." Now, I don't even have digital copies of my songs because I get all my music from cloud-based Spotify. The norm is to be critical of change.

This is why I believe it's necessary to put good information into your mind and soul. I'm not talking about statistics or techniques. I'm talking about a positive way of thinking. Enter Entrepreneur on Fire. This half-hour daily podcast interviews successful entrepreneurs. They rarely get into the technical aspects of the business but instead spend time discussing what obstacles were overcome to reach success. That kind of information is what fuels hope, optimism, and creativity. Without a mindset founded on those three things, flashes of brilliance will never come. So while I know everybody's dream is not to build a business, I believe everybody needs positive inputs that will elevate their thinking to what is possible rather than what is "normal".

Preparing For A Wedding

This week should be a fun week as we're preparing for a wedding for a couple we're meeting with. This will only be the second wedding on my mission I will get to participate in. Love is in the air!

 

This past week was very uneventful. My companion, Elder Hansen, had the flu. As a result, we spent three full days sitting in our apartment. As much as I love the scriptures, they can get a little stale after two hours plus per day. It was nice to get outside and move around.

 

This week we also have a mission conference with an Apostle likely coming to speak to us. That will be a special experience that we look forward to.

 

Elder Bolling

The Final Countdown

Last week I began my final full transfer. I am staying in the same area to finish training Elder Hansen, who is a new missionary. After this six week period I will have three weeks left to finish my mission with a mid-transfer departure.

The weather is the strangest thing that's been going on. Utah has the tendency of not being sure if it is spring of not. In fact, today, it's snowing, while it was 70 last week.

We continue to try and keep the momentum going in our area. It would be nice to end my mission with success in bringing people into or back to the church. We are currently working with 5 individuals who are working to be baptized in the upcoming month. On top of that, we are meeting with some individuals who are returning to church for the first time.

Life is a little different in just one stake. For most of my mission I have covered two stakes or YSA stakes. Having one stake does make the work move a little bit more slowly...but the plus side of that is that we have the opportunity to develop some closer relationships than we otherwise could do. However you look at it, I prefer one stake to two.

Elder Bolling

Taking The Reins

This week was my new missionary's third week. He's pretty capable so I decided to throw him to the wolves by letting him "lead" in planning. I even left him in the area "alone" on an exchange for a day. It was nice to see that he did pretty well! Training after having been a missionary for 21 months is a more relaxing experience -- because I'm more willing to let him lead because while I still have room to improve, I've seen that I know how to do it already...and don't mind letting him try.

 

We will have a special baptism this Saturday. The lady we've been meeting with has such a strong and special spirit and is full of questions. It's refreshing for a person like me to have someone who enjoys asking so many questions...since I do the same! However, as she's been reading the Book of Mormon and attending church she has found the answers she is looking for and seems excited and ready to take the next step.

 

We are also starting to keep very busy in our new area. For example, tonight my companion and I will be "split" from 6-9pm because we have too many appointments and cannot make them all. That's a good problem to have!

 

Elder Bolling

The Old Becomes New

At the beginning of my mission, I started in Draper in some of the most affluent stakes in our mission. Now, as my mission begins to come to a close, I am returning to a similar environment. For this transfer I will be training Elder Hansen, a new missionary, in the South Mountain stake. The most exciting part of that is that I am serving in the same stake where a former missionary who taught me lives. In fact, his family is helping us fellowship and teach someone in the stake! What a small world!

 

Now, we have to talk about where we live. I'm learning about "finer living". We have our own separate guest house which is nice enough in its own right. In addition, our landlord has offered home-service dry cleaning once a week, stocking of our apartment with food, and the service of weekly cleaning. I always knew people lived like that...I just haven't experienced it myself. When Jesus talked about receiving "mansions on high" for faithful following of his commandments, I didn't know this was what he meant!

 

It is also a nice relief to be back in a family stake. I love all of the young single adults, however, there's something refreshing about the dynamics of a family ward. There are always lots of crazy kids running around and things are a lot more lively. On top of that, we have the opportunity to teach families instead of just individuals.

 

Elder Bolling

The Big Thaw

This week the temperature hit 43 degrees! Hooray! It was the first time in two months that I considered not wearing a sweater under my suit jacket. The thought made me quite excited. It was also a big thaw in our proselyting area. We have not been having much success but all of a sudden three of the people we have been teaching expressed a desire to be baptized.

In our zone we have also been blessed to have three or four individuals call missionaries and ask to be baptized in the upcoming week. Weeks like this are always hard to explain but very welcome news to each of the missionaries.

We will also have the opportunity in the next two weeks to have two mission conferences. First from L. Whitney Clayton and then from Jay E. Jensen. It will be a unique opportunity to hear from two General Authorities in less than a month. And to think, then we'll be attending general conference and hearing from lots of general authorities!

Elder Bolling

Above Freezing

This week was the first week in a month that was above freezing. You know winter has been around too long when 40-degree days cause you to roll down your windows! But since it's now February there is the hope that things will continue to thaw to the point that I don't have to wear a sweater on a regular basis.

 

The zone has settled down into another transfer. Now that I've been in Draper for 3+ months many of the zone members are used to how I do things and it seems that success is following the "new normal". I have a special place for the Draper area since I started my mission here so I am excited to see the success grow.

 

This week is our zone leader council. The following week we have zone conferences with our missionaries and President Miller. With all that looming on the horizon, we will probably have two very busy weeks ahead.

 

Elder Bolling

Miracles In The Wintry Cold (Jan. 21, 2013)

This week we taught a record number of lessons. However, we were wondering how to find new people to teach that could be baptized. By Saturday night, we were a little worried. Then on Sunday, something amazing happened -- we found three new people to teach and received a text message from someone we had formerly taught about how he wanted to be baptized "before February 1st"!

On top of that, two individuals that I had the opportunity to teach many times over the past three months finally were baptized. I was asked to perform the baptism of one of them. Apparently my experience and testimony touched him in some way. It's a blessing to know that you are making an impact.

The weather is still cold. The highs haven't been above 20 degrees for two weeks. I keep telling myself, "at least January is the beginning of the end of the cold"! I believe all things in life are more enjoyable when it's warm.

Elder Bolling

Cold Days

This week has been colder than most. The high each day has ranged between 11 degrees and 19 degrees. The low on two days was zero! The funny part of it is that it still doesn't feel as cold to me as my daily walks to the DC Metro to get to work. The humidity just does something to make all temperatures less bearable. Nonetheless, I am grateful that we're entering the cold part of the winter because that just means we're closer to my favorite time of year...when the weather is warmer!

 

This week we received a call from someone who had taken missionary discussions about a year ago. We had tried to meet her a few weeks ago, but she wasn't home. She called and asked us to come over so she could tell us that she had been reading the Book of Mormon for that year, studying the missionary lessons with a friend, and wanted to be baptized on January 12th! It is exciting to see how ready she is to jump into her single's ward and become involved. It will certainly be a great experience for the ward.

 

We also trained our eight ward mission leaders this weekend as part of a stake training. We were asked to do it since the high councilor was out of town for the weekend. It was a good opportunity and helped me realize all that goes into training people to do a volunteer role in a ward.

 

Elder Bolling

Learning From Great Leaders

Last Monday we had the opportunity to hear from Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. His family, including concert-violinist Jenny Oaks Baker, performed music for us. It was quite the treat. On top of that, tonight we will have the privelidge of hearing from Elder D. Todd Christoffersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. There are many blessings associated with serving in Utah.

 

In a non-missionary related topic, I found out last night that the Washington Redskins captured the NFC East Championship. The Lord sure does bless us in multiple ways for serving...because that hasn't happened in thirteen years! Hail to the Redskins!

 

The biggest news this week has been the snow. Some of our missionaries are from Arizona and other places warm. They tend to do pretty silly things in the snow. In the past two weeks we've had two bumpers torn up because of snow accidents. It pains us to have to "park cars" so often for missionaries who simply don't know how to slow down.

 

Elder Bolling